I am way off my league on this one, and I stand to be corrected and taught otherwise I know it. But spirits would not speak the words that we humans dread. For people who might feel offended by my use of strong words, bear with me. If you do not appreciate other people’s opinion, I recommend that you stop reading now, I promise you would not miss anything important.
I was raised in what you could call a typical African home, to and by really African parents, we know the hardcore types, those who were already teenagers before the Nigerian civil war. Just like me, you reading this, have the same, and if anything is true, I know you would still remember childhood and every other phase of your life till now. You would still remember how our parents brought us all up the best they could, how they would always chip in some words at every given chance they got, how after speaking to us, we feel so much remorse that we would not be able to move from that location until after 5-10 minutes. We would even cut ties with the reason or reasons as the case might be why they spoke to us. These parents of ours to their best gave us all they could have possibly had. That is why I always shove it down people’s throats when they tell me “IT’S AFRICAN MENTALITY”. There is no such thing as an African mentality!.
These parents of ours against all odds kept it together. They kept their marriages a midst disagreements, fights, confusion, near death experiences, trials and all the other packages that marriage brought to them. We were all there, we saw how they persevered, how they kept on keeping on, how they kept on being on the battlefield to save their marriage, to save their children the horror of having daddy in the east and mummy in the west. They brought us up, well. My question now is what happened to us?
Marriage is no driving test, it is the real deal. The African society, the Nigerian society is now prone to divorce like never before. Where did we, where are we getting it wrong? God help me I pray. Some of my favorite Nigerian screen goddess who are supposed to be leading examples more or less ventured into this institution of marriage, all rushed out sooner than they had gone in. It is not my place to judge anyone or criticize anyone, I am merely stating an observation which might turn to be the order of the day if measures are not taken by all of us.
Why would I stay in a marriage where I am not happy? Good question. I am not telling you to remain unhappy in life, I am saying happiness is a choice, a hard one at that. Plus we should have learnt from our parents, that “YOU NEED NOT REPLACE A COOKING UTENSIL EACH TIME ONE BREAKS, YOU SHOULD TRY MENDING”. Some one might intelligently ask, what if you mend until you can’t mend again? I answer, stop it from falling, and it would not break, and if it does not break, you would not need mending it.
Olutimilehin, once shared a scripture with me sometime last year, and I am going to share it with you all; “The start of an argument is like the first break in a dam; stop it before it goes any further” PROVERBS 17:14.
Except we should revisit the vows taken during marriage. If memory serves me well, it states ” For better for worse, For richer for poorer, TILL DEATH DO US PART”. So why all the parting before death? Why do we bail at the first or tenth time of worse? Why do we file for divorce when we claim we have had it up to here.making the sign on the neck region. It is selfishness I think, pure and undiluted. You agreed to marry this man, this woman, you both saw a future. You both saw and shared a dream house, dream kids, dream vacations, cars etc. What happened to those dreams? Why have you all let the devil into your homes and hearts?. Don’t go thinking about the dirty heinous creature, I am talking about YOU!. You are the devil that wrecks your marriage you man who beats, abuses, cheats, refuses to care, love, cherish his wife. You are the devil that wrecks your marriage, you woman who disrespect, lies, engages in a power tussle with her husband.
What did you people build your marriage upon? What was the foundation? His money and height? her beauty/endowmentsyou know? Did you now realize that those things are not enough to keep you in marriage? Oga why did you stop all those things you used to get her?, you know she loved them. Madam why did you stop making him come after you nah? Did you now realize that you need more, that you need LOVE?, that you need JESUS?. What was the pillar holding your marriage?
I dare say, you must love her enough to forgive her shortcomings. You must love him enough to forgive his shortcomings. But how can you when all you thought before you wedded was the good sex you are going to be getting, or the good loving. Both are essential anyways. I am not married anyways so do not think I am speaking to you from experience, it is just me saying what every other person has been saying.
Medical school is just a practical example of my next point. Being a first year medical student, I was presented with ANATOMY. I felt like the whole world was coming down on me. When I finished first year and ANATOMY, I was relieved, so I moved on to second year. To my wonder and shock I was yet again presented with MICROBIOLOGY, PHYSIOLOGY etc. Courses that made me wish for ANATOMY. In third year also there is Pharmacology, Pathological-physiology etc, now these course would make one wish for just PHYSIOLOGY. What am I saying?, the smart ones get the gist already. Marriage is a school. When you think you have mastered it all, expect new things. When you think you know your spouse in and out, expect that one day, he/she would come up with a crazy act, that would make you think you never knew them.
I do not claim to know anything about marriage, it would be an insult to the married folks here, I am just a young man who has seen just about enough marriages crashing. You divorce to go back to a life you were once happy to leave. Think about it. It is almost like going back into the sun because the AIR CONDITIONER is too cold for you. I recommend you remain single and save your self and other’s useless pain if you know you are going to rush out of marriage.